not

Though not a dream
She blurred the edges
Of my vision
Purged my entropy
A soft breeze
On the flesh
Of my fading soul

I am sorry I abandoned you
I should have been larger than my pain
I should have been greater than my pride
I turned away when I should have looked deeper
I deafened myself in defense
I should have offered to listen
My loyalty should have been to friendship
Not my over tender heart
But now
I am here
I am listening
I have grown beyond my pride
I have parted ways with old pain
I am your friend
Though I know you are not mine

When I'm falling
They're having fun
When I'm burning
They're warming their hands
It's not worth it
It's not fun anymore
I don't feel like laughing

I am not me
I am a story
that you tell yourself
while you speak
to me
You are not you
You are a lie
that comforts
my aching
dreams